Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
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i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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