I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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