I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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