sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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