i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
