if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
