So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
