i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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