I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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