Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
