Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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