I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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