I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
