HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
