Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
