I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
