At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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