I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize