Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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