so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
