She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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