i think my tv is drunk
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
