just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
