fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Your mouth is God's brothel.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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