i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
