I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
