3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
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i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
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Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.