YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.