there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
