The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
