It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
