WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
