Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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