I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
