Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
