im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
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she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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