so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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