I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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