Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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