dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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