All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
