i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
