I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
