I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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