we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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