Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
