one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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