i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
