I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
