Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
