We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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