Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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