So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
