happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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