I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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