would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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