Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
