I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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