I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
