I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
