no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
