I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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