I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
