Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
