yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I love having hate sex.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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