i may or may not be watching the land before time
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just found puke in my bra..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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