No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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