I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
