At least make sure they are 18
Why
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He felt like a one man threesome
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
