Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am mentally ready for anal.
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