i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Text me some of your sweat
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
