She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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