I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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