god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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