...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
