Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
