I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
