i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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