We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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