I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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