it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
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we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
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someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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