i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize