Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ladies don't puke and tell
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
