If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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