dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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